been a while since i wrote anything.

I've been referd to youth link for psycotherapy. Its belived that this is the best approach. Also because of my social anxiaty i have been referd to RooR for social rehabilitation. I was sposed to see them today but its been postboned to monday. Im kind of annoyed by that. I've been getting realy worked up and anxious about it all week and now im told i have to spend another 2 and a half days getting realy anxous and worked up about it. I wish i didnt but i do, which is sad realy. What went wrong in my life..? I never realy was all that with it but over thed years ive become worse and worse.

well its been so long since i posted. My house moove went OK. It realy burned me out and i droped a refrigerator on my toes which hurt alot. The new house is nice and there are ocean view (at a very big distance) from upstairs, we live on top of a hill. The thing is i just dont care. I dont care about much at all at the moment, which is kid of dishartening.

I also got the results of my cat scan back. I had one done in hospital and i only just got the results back. They returned as normal, there for im not brain damaged. My psych basicaly told me that im realy lucky because given my past i should be.

• i was borne six weeks early. my birth was induced because the placenta was not nourishing me
• as a baby i suffocated myself
• i was bashed about alot
• drink and drugs
• other misc stuff

So im lucky in that respect or did i just cheet punishment. I have been refered to a different service. Some people called YouthLink are going to try their hand at fixing me because the people i was working with wernt getting very far, so its like another approach their trying. I hope it goes well.

take care yall.
shinobi

tomorow i moove house with my parents. This is hard for me, i realy dont want to, but i have no choice in the matter. I see harrow house on monday and im not sure what will happen then.

 

I nned to post here more oftern, and i will, i hope. Soon i'll catch back up on everything i have to say.

well progress is being made. My physical health is not great but my psych refered me to harrow house rehab to help me fix my head up. Its a combination of OT, councelling, meds, etc. Hopeing it will work but not entierly sure what to make of it, nervous as hell as well.

well things with my family are better than expected. Im sure in time it will all fall down, like usual. I been thinking about mooving out their house, thats my plan anyway. Get a life of my own or somthing. Im concernd i'll fuck it up though, like i have in the past. So i also dropped out of college, i wasn't making much progress after i missed so much of it in hospital. I also have a new case worker and some out-patients support and stuff to try and get me back towards the right track. So i guess there is some good stuff happening and some bad stuff.

well my moms parents are staying with us for a bit and that is causing some tention in the house. I have a job interview coming us soon so i have to start preparing for that :/. So dont want the interview but i need a better job that what i have. Ive also dropped out of college for a year, they said they would let me back in next year to try again. I missed too much work in hospital to catch back up. Shame but then again whats it fucking matter.

well the pope died recently. This is a shame, a good man passed away.

On the other hand im doing OK. I still feal like shit but i have money coming into the bank now. Not much but some. Mabey i can pay of some more of the $750 debt i owe my parents, soon that will increase because i need to get my tooth fiexd. I got a snooker ball in the face a few years ago and got smashed the other day. The cap i had to patch my tooth was broken off and now i look slightly odd. I want it repaired but the cost will be massive, my mom decided that dosent matter and booked me an appt at the dentist anyway.

soon my unpiad debt will cap $1000 "/

take it easy
_n0bi

Well i havent been posting regualy again. I remember when i used to, i keep getting more depressed remembering the past. Just a few weeks ago everything was so different. Its so scary, the world seems to move faster than i can. Im so slow at the moment and the enviroment around me isnt helping. Things at home suck big time, the best way to put it is this:

if a random stranger walked into my house the atmosphere would give them a heart attack

it realy is that bad.

On the other had i have a psych meating on april 11 to help fix me up, a job interview soon and i have my old job back, i just hope i dont totaly overwhelm myself again, im good at that.

TC.
J.

Happy Easter to everyone, sorry its a bit late though. My easter started out like total shit but got progressivly better through the day. Ive been realy, realy down again and now im trying to get things back together, even slower than before. I need to find things to do to fill my day that are small in size, low risk of faliure and high chance of easy sucess. Little things that will make me feel reletivly good about myself but i get totaly blocked when i try to think of somthing. Any sugestions from the bl0gging comunity?

 

tc

 

OK, bin a while. Long story short. Depression got real bad, again, sept worse this time than usualy is. I ended up in hospital and now ive just come out. Taking things slow, to ensure i dont burn out totaly. Hope all is good, everyone is well.